Here are some personal stories that illustrate the concept of agathism. While you might also say they are about positive thinking and optimism, you will notice differences. Feel free to send your own story to be placed on this page. Read on!
Kidney Cancer At Age 40
My Infant Son Taught Me About Death
My Father Was a Rapist
I found out I had kidney cancer when I was 40. For over a year, I had experienced a number of symptoms, including fevers, high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, and heart palpitations. The doctors told me it was stress. I wanted to believe them, yet I knew I had cancer. All the blood and urine tests came back negative. Only a CAT scan revealed the true nature of my illness. Soon thereafter, my kidney was removed. I've been cancer-free since.
During the year before my diagnosis, I lived in fear that I would die before we could find out what was wrong with me. I was afraid my young children would grow up in a day care center without their mother, that my husband would have to do all the work by himself. I knew I was seriously ill, and felt frustrated that few people seemed to believe me. I complained all the time. People would tell me to calm down. The doctors gave me anti-depressants. Nothing worked. I fought with the insurance company to get other tests done. I felt powerless. When the correct diagnosis was finally made, I felt great relief. I knew something would now be done to cure me.
That was over 4 years ago. Since then, I noticed I appreciate the little things in life much more, like my son's graduation from elementary school, working at the summer camp where my kids play, horseback riding lessons with my children, and more. My relationship to my husband went to a new level. I now feel much closer to him.
I don't take a single day for granted now - I love being here every day. I love being here for every occasion. I believe it's important to listen to others. I respect myself, life, and the lives of others much more than before. We're all responsible for each other. I complain far less than I used to - although I'm still working on that one!
After I recovered, we moved to a new home. We felt the old house might have contributed to my condition and we wanted more room for my parents, in case the cancer returned. Our new home is next to a horse farm. My daughter started riding horses, then my son, and now I do too. I had always loved riding horses, but hadn't done it for many years.
Unlike some people, I cannot consider my cancer a "gift." I find it hard to be thankful for something that results in death for others. That would be arrogant, in my view. I'm one of the lucky ones.
Did cancer change my life for the better? Absolutely. To be more accurate, I changed my life because of the cancer; it didn't change me. My experience made me feel stronger, less afraid to stand up for what I believe in, to know myself better, and to be more assertive. I take much better care of myself now. I have learned a great deal about nutrition, homeopathy, yoga, and more, all to keep myself healthy.
Remember to appreciate the small things in life. They are precious. -FC
My first child Mark taught me about death. Sixteen weeks after his birth in 1967, he got sick. He spent five weeks in the hospital, then died. We never found out why, even after two autopsies. It seemed the worst possible thing had happened to me - losing my first child.
I had to deal with my own and my husband's grief, as well as parents, friends, and family. People in the supermarket ran away when they saw me, unsure what to say. I asked myself if God was responsible. I studied medical journals, became an authority on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, all because I wanted to have a reason for his death. We thought it might be the well water we drank at that home. Yet we never found a reason.
During the 5 weeks Mark was hospitalized, I spent as much time as the staff would permit by his side. I noticed what a careless and dangerous place a hospital could be. Then and there I resolved to take care of myself so I'd never have to be at the mercy of a hospital as a patient. Since that time I've taken good care of my health, watched my diet, and exercised regularly.
Before Mark's death, I had been an elementary school teacher. Afterwards, I got my school counselor credentials, then found a career as a therapist. I worked in a hospice. I noticed death didn't affect me the way it had before - the fear was gone. I seemed to attract people who needed to work through their unfinished business before dying. I learned there's no time limit for death - it can come at any time, to anyone.
Mark's death taught me compassion and improved the quality of my life. I now live every moment to the highest quality possible. If he hadn't died, who knows in what direction my life would've gone? I don't think my husband ever got over Mark's death. We were scared to have kids again, but we did have two more. Michael's birth helped me recover from Mark's death.
My life took another big turn in 1987 when my husband of 21 years and I split up. It caught me completely off guard. It was a disorienting experience that again shook my belief in the way things were supposed to happen. Overnight, I alone was responsible for two teenage sons, a household, finances, and debt. I missed having someone to talk things over with, to help with the decisions. I regretted not having paid more attention to finances in the past. What I didn't know, I had to learn - fast.
After my divorce, I went to Disneyland. I'd always been afraid of roller coasters and "scary" rides. Well, I went on those rides, and found out they're not scary, they're fun. Getting divorced is scary. Few things frighten me these days. I respond differently to life now - I have more fun. I developed more compassion and understanding for others, including the struggles my husband went through.
I hadn't danced for much of my marriage, but now I dance with abandon at least 4 or 5 times a week. I have a lot more fun since my divorce. Within a year, I had a boyfriend who was 18 years my junior. We had a great time.
I've since remarried. Married life is different this time. I think more for myself and am not as influenced by others as before - I have no blind faith in others. Spiritually, I'm less of a follower. My top priority is accomplishing whatever I've set my mind to, whether it's working in the garden or on the job. I discovered it's best to do whatever you do for your own enjoyment, because there might not be a payoff. -MM
In November 1976, my mother was a single mom working in a bar, trying to raise her two young sons. At the end of her shift one night, she took out the trash. A stranger followed her back in, then raped her. He was my father. We never found out who he was.
I learned all of this when I was 15. Mom and I had an argument. I was mad at her because she never told me anything about my father. Mom had remarried, and my step-dad and I didn't get along. I told Mom I wanted to go live with my real dad. After our argument, Mom locked herself in her room, then shoved a note under my door about an hour later. In that letter, she told me the truth about my origins.
In the first 5 months of her pregnancy with me, Mom was in denial, refusing to believe the truth. She received no prenatal care until the 3rd trimester. Mom actually went to a clinic and paid for an abortion. After her mandatory counseling session for 2nd trimester abortions, she changed her mind and got a refund. She didn't know the sex of the baby, but she always wanted a daughter, so she could have the "perfect" mother-daughter relationship she thought her girlfriends had with their mothers. My mom never had that relationship with her own mother. Quite the opposite: she lived in fear of being beaten by her mom if she ever disobeyed her. When I was born, Mom decided to keep me, rather than put me up for adoption, so we could build that special relationship.
My mom had a tough road to travel. Her first husband beat her. The father of her second child committed suicide. At 22, she was single mom on welfare with 3 kids. At 25, she had to have a hysterectomy. Mom eventually put herself through nursing school and got a good job when I was around 10. I guess having to feed 3 kids is enough motivation for anyone.
As for me, I remember my mom being on welfare, and starting school about the same time I did. We were poor. I didn't have the stylish clothes some of my friends had, couldn't take dance or Tae Kwon Do lessons, or go to the prom. I started mowing lawns at 8, and did everything within my power to earn money for myself. At 16, I got a job, and moved out at 17. I've been on my own ever since. I think that having grown up the way I did made it easier for me to adjust to the adult work lifestyle. Having to do without luxuries as a kid made me stronger and more ambitious than if I had a trust fund.
My mother and I haven't developed the relationship she always wanted because of my resentment towards her. I blamed her for not having a "normal" life like everyone else. Yet she gave birth to me, and without the decisions she made, I wouldn't be here.
In a way, my life resembles a famous historical figure. I don't know who my father is, my mom's name is Mary, I was born into poverty, and love to travel. I must've been born under a lucky star. My birthday is 7/7/77. -DV